Sunday, April 27, 2008

#91: Oceanic Six and the Numbers

Each survior is linked to one of the numbers. I mean there are 6 survivors and 6 numbers and I don't think it's a coincidence:

4: Sun. Her dress size

8: Hurley. What he did with food.

15: Kate. The age she acts.

16: Aaron. His weight.

23: Sayid. Number of ways he can kill a man using his feet.

42: Jack. Number of times he cries per day.

Dude, I absolutely love the way you think.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

#90: Pregnant Jack

The reason Jack is having stomach pains is because he's pregnant like that dude on Oprah.


#89: The Secret room has a Secret Room

We saw Ben's secret room a few weeks ago, the one behind the bookshelf where he keeps his passports, outfits, and cash. Then in 'The Shape of Things to Come' we saw that Ben had a secret room inside that secret room, the one with the hierogliphs on the secret door. So in the next few episodes, will we see that Ben has another secret room inside of that secret room?

Great observation, Carlton. It's here he keeps the coffin inside the coffin. You are #89 baby.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

#88: The Island is a FLDS compound

Ben is the island's Warren Jeffs. Jacob is the island's angel Moroni. We already know the others are hanging out in the temple.

Ouch. That's just painfully stupid -- in oh-so-many ways.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

#87: Ben's Dairy

It certainly would be interesting to see what kinds of products Ben would produce at a dairy. Would he homogeonize his own milk? Would he specialize in hard cheeses? Would he use mainly goats and cows, or would he also use milk from buffalos, sheep, horses, or camels? Maybe he'd even milk a cat. I doubt he'd be able to fit the whole dairy on his coffin, but maybe some small-curd cottage cheese.

Oh, I get it -- you mean diary, right? Funny guy.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

#86: There is nothing in the coffin...


#85: There's a coffin in the coffin

The big question on Lost (well, one of them, anyway) is: What is in the coffin?

I think there is another coffin in the coffin, and then another coffin inside of that, and so on, and so on, until you get a really teeny tiny coffin. A really cute one. It's kindof like those famous russian dolls. And inside of that one is a quarter.

Okay, sure. Why not? It makes as much sense as any of the other "in the coffin" theories. And the Beatles' russian dolls picture is just too cool, don't you think?

(Christmas is only 252 days away...)

#84: Burnt Black Smoke

Remember Juliet is baking cookies or muffins at the time the plane crashed? she burns them? i was thinking, i bet that is what created the black smoke monster! it makes perfect sense, think about it and let me know what you thought about it!

Love it, love it, love it.

#83: Jack has joined The Others

It is clear from the flashforward that Jack has joined forces with the Others. He is wearing a fake beard in his flash forward for the season 3 finale.

I like it. Really I do.

#82: The island won't let you die...

Or become the captain of your own sandwich.


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

#81: Jacob is Jakob Dylan

Oh, I get it. One eye, one headlight. You may be on to something.

Monday, April 14, 2008

#80: Charlie's Ring = Charlie's CONSTANT

Remember when Desmond went to the university to find Faraday, Faraday told Desmond that you need a constant, Faraday and Desmond both thought about inanimate objects, until Desmond asked if it could be a person, Faraday thought about it for a second and said yes.

Remember Charlie's list of most important moments in his life, one of his moments was when he recieved his ring from his brother. Please don't take offense anyone but that is one of the UGLIEST rings I have ever seen, but it is extremely important to Charlie. He was always touching it, twisting it, and, showing it off. The ring has had more close-ups than some of the Losties, and we have had that ring shoved down our throats and we are all still wondering when its going to be found. I think the ring is important for more reasons than Charlie's brother gave it to him, I think it is Charlie's constant. I don't think we have seen the last of Charlie!

I gotta tell you, I love your enthusiasm. Never give up hope.

But, um, Charlie -- the fictional character on the fictional TV show -- he's dead -- he said so himself. And I know you wouldn't call Charlie a liar. That would be, well, you know...


#79: "Help Me..."

"... I've fallen and I can't get up."

Sunday, April 13, 2008

#78: The Island is Middle-earth

Because in LOTR, right after Frodo, Sam, Pippen, and Merry/Charlie have their first run in with a Nazgul, Dom says, "what was that that?" It was reminicent of his famous "where are we?" from the first episode of Lost. So clearly...

Chalk up one more for the amazingly thinly-stretched logic of overzealous Lost fans. Now when you start making comparisons to Party of 5, it's time to get a new hobby.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

#77: It's all good... or bad

You know how they found those stones with the adam and Eve skeletons, one white stone and one black stone, and how we keep seeing things that are either white or black on the island? Well, think about this - black represents things that are evil and white represents things that are good. And the smoke monster is black, like the black ash around Jacob's cabin, but maybe they are trying to fool us. So I figure that the island is either all evil, fighting against good in the world, or it is all good, fighting against everything that is evil in the world. And Jacob and the smoke monster is at the very center.

I see. So it's either all good, or it's all bad. Amazing. Congrats, I think you've cracked it!

Friday, April 11, 2008

#76: Patchy-morte

Patchy is like Voldemorte. That's why he can't die. The secret is in the horcruxes. Mikhail ripped out pieces of his soul, like Voldermorte, to keep him from ever dying. The eye that the Tailies found in that Bible in the Arrow station -- that was one of Mikhail's horcruxes.

Clever. I like it.

(but that doesn't mean it isn't stupid)

#75: Four-toed evolution

I submit that mankind has evolved throughout the millions of years that we have existed. The very first life forms on earth were theoretically water bound creatures. As time went on, these fins began to turn into digits and the creature began to walk on land.

I’m using this concept to suggest that, perhaps millions of years ago before any records, humans had four fingers and four toes. Of course, a million years out here in the real world is a million years, but who’s to say, or not say, that a million years on the Island is the same as a million years here as well? I think that the first inhabitants of the island were primitive humans that only had four digits on each limb. These original inhabitants did not have the technology to build statues in the real world, but they had a heightened intellect and sense of awareness on the island that led them to construct such structures.

There are even people alive today that are in the process of developing six digits on each limb. Some would call this decease, known as polydactyly. Others might call it evolution.

Well, I think you know what I call it.

#74: Jim is not dead

Whew! Pam will be so relieved.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

#73: Jacob is Elvis

The black smoke is a security system guarding some secret on the island, right? And what secret is that?


Here's the proof: 4-8-15-16-23-42

4. Elvis's first single entered the charts at number 4.

8. Elvis had 8 hit singles, 3 more than the Beatles.

15. He was fifteen when he lost his virginity.

16. He was 16 when he found it again.

23. The number of hotdogs Elvis could eat in one sitting.

42. The last number of the Valenzetti equation.

And if that's not stupid, I don't know what is.

#72: Jacob and Christian are twins

I think Jacob and Christian Shepherd are twins. I came to this conclusion after Hurley found Jacob’s cabin and saw someone who looked like Christian Shepherd rocking in the chair. Darlton also stated in a podcast, answering a question from a viewer, that it was intuitive of this viewer to notice that the person in the cabin looked like Christian Shepherd. They never said it WAS him, but they pointed out that it LOOKED like him—possibly implying a twin.

Thus, Jacob would be Jack’s Uncle, not his Grandfather. I’ve yet to determine which one is good and which one is bad, or if there even is such a delineation. But there’s the obvious reference to the twins Jacob and Esau of the Bible, and Jacob has a son named Benjamin. The implications are obvious. Jacob deceived Esau for his birthright, but interestingly enough, after the deception, the line blurs as to whether or not one brother was more or less evil/good than the other brother. Jacob was definitely more blessed than Esau, even though he used deception to get his way. And there’s the reference seen on the screen in room 23 “God Loves You as he Loved Jacob”, so who knows…

Yes. Obvious indeed.

#71: Christian and Elvis are twins

Well, obviously...

#70: The island is the Garden of Eden

Now this in and of itself is not such a stupid idea, and in the end, if it turns out to be correct, it might even be a little cool. But you have got to see the lame evidence this guy and his brother are passing off as "proof positive" that this theory is actually correct. For example:

Adam and Eve’s thirst for knowledge is why they sinned and ate from the forbidden tree. Alvar Hanso said "From the dawn of our species, man has been blessed with curiosity." Mr Friendly quoted this in season 2. Dawn of species - Adam and Eve - Garden of Eden - get it?

Oi vey.

(that's yiddish for "stupid")

#69: Numbers = Garden of Eden

The numbers themselves have been referred to numerous times as a curse, or at least as being cursed (Hurley’s curse). DHARMA has realized that the equation was set into motion at the time of Adam and Eve’s failure, which set death into motion, and CURSED all of mankind to come. God cursed Adam with toil, Eve in CHILDBIRTH (birthing problems) the serpent, and creation itself. All of it was cursed…doomed to death…doomed to one day come to destroy itself. That curse began the equation as revealed by Valenzetti.

Not only that, but there are exactly 108 words in that theory.

(109 if you add "stupid")

#68: Daddy issues = Garden of Eden

Everyone on the island has Daddy issues. They all have some beef with their fathers—they’ve all been mistreated, or at least feel mistreated, by their fathers. This also seems to point to the ULTIMATE Daddy issue, the issue that all mankind has with the FATHER OF MANKIND…Adam. The one who originally did all his children wrong by partaking of the forbidden fruit, setting into motion the CURSE, (the numbers) and dooming all of mankind to death. Those chosen to attempt to pass the judgment test would obviously have daddy issues of some sort, if they are trying to reverse the action of Adam.

No, not 'beef" -- forbidden fruit. So I guess Locke getting Sawyer to strangle his dad is going to reverse original sin. Brilliant.

#67: The Whispers = Garden of Eden

The whispers point to the story of Cain and Abel—sons of Adam and Eve. Cain killed Abel, and it says that Abel’s blood cried out from the ground. The whispers are from some of those who have died on the show. One obvious whisper is from Ben’s mother. She died in childbirth, and if you read through the whisper transcripts, you will see that one voice is clearly identified as Ben’s mother when Ben is shown chasing her into the forest and he gets stopped by the sonic fence. She is dead, and we now hear her voice in the whispers. Another Adam and Eve connection.

Of course. Abel was murdered by Cain, Ben's mom was, um, murdered by, um, Ben. And both, you know -- whisper. How could I have missed something as obvious as that?

#66: What?

Now exactly a theory, per se, but a pretty common response to most of the really stupid ones.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

#65: Stupid isn't really stupid

"I just want to say that I do the "stupid lost theories" in the spirit of fun -- not to be mean or offensive. It is out of a love for the show and an appreciation for the way it makes us think -- even when it makes us think crazy stuff. So my apologies for anyone who is offended. That's not the intention. It's why I "stupidify" my own theories as well. Anyway..."

I see. So people should feel honored to be called stupid by you? That way of thinking takes a special kind of arrogance. Special enough to be... oh, I don't know... stupid?

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

#64: The Biblical King Whoever Theory

"Here's a crazy thought. What if this is kinda like the biblical story where King whoever was told by the three wise men that a king was to be born (Jesus) and would rule the world. So the king had all the boys killed ages 2 or younger hoping that one of them would be this new king. Maybe the pregnant women dying thing is along these lines. Pregnant women die and all the children kidnapped because they know a new leader is coming. The island killing the pregnant women because the island does not want this new special child. Ben trying to course correct by bringing Juliet to try to fix this problem, hence bringing the new special child. This could also explain why they take the children, not knowing exactly how this special child will come to be on the island, therefore taking all children that arrive on the island."
No, dude. It's not crazy at all

(unless by "crazy" you mean "stupid" in which case, yes, it is beautifully, religiously crazy).

In fact, it would be the most coolestest, craziest thing ever if every if the universe were really trying to course-correct the crucifiction -- and it would be even CRAZIER if it sent someone like the Terminator back to do it (especially if the Terminator was really Annie). That would simple ROCK! Go Bible!

#63: Charlie is O6

"Wouldn't that be cool if Charlie turned out to be Oceanic Six? Wouldn't that twist everything around?"

Yes, YES! I love that idea. The real Oceanic Six:


What if those six are the six!!!
If those six were the actual Oceanic Six, that would be mind-blowingly AMAZING!!!

(P.S. If you're still doing the math, maybe you see that it doesn't add up. But don't worry -- if you didn't notice, then congratulations -- you. like me, are an official Charlie lover, and I can't blame either of us for being hopefully, pathetically-unable-to-accept-reality-kind-of-stupid, too).

#62: Smokey the ride

"Back in the Oceanic Board days there was a theory that Smokie was some type of transportation mechanism, since it sounds like a subway train."

Oooo, fun. Tell that to Eko.

#61: Smoked Squid

"The island is actually underwater and the smoke monster is actually a squid."

You can't be serious.

#60: Time Travel vs. Life Travel

"What we are seeing on Lost is not what we are used to thinking of as time travel (like Back to the Future, or Bill and Ted). It is more like "life travel" -- a person's consciousness being able to travel to different points within their own lifespan."

Okay, are you really saying this is stupid, or are you just shamelessly trying to plug another one of your so-called brilliant theories?

Well, it is afterall my blog. :)

(And this is what is meant by stupid.)

#59: Reward and Punishment

"I think we see some of that in Ben's relationship with the island -- he is rewarded and punished over and over again -- these punishments and rewards are connected.

Cancer Example:
I think Ben lied about Juliette's sister's "relapse" as a way of keeping Juliette on the island. As a result of that lie, Ben was punished with a tumor on his spine. To counter the punishment, he was rewarded with a spinal surgeon who fell out of the sky.

Patricide Example:
I think that Ben was punished for killing his father. I think that in an upcoming episode, we will see that Annie was pregnant with Ben's child at the time he killed his father, and that as punishment, his unborn child (and Annie, as well) were killed (and Ben learned, for the first time, that pregnant women always die on the island). Right after their deaths, Rousseau's group came to the Island, restoring to Ben the child (Alex) that had been taken from him (at least in his mind).

Goodwin Example:
I think we are going to see that Ben's punishment for allowing Goodwin to be killed by the tailies is that he gets caught in Rousseu's net on his way back to New Otherton. The reward for being caught in the net is the way he infiltrates the Losties and gets under Locke's skin."

Punishment, maybe. But what is he rewarded for? Not exactly stupid, per se, but I think you haven't completely thought this through.

No, cuz it's another one of mine, but it was the genesis for Ben vs. The Universe, and that's at least not completely stupid. Right?


#58: Harper is Annie

Right. That explains why she was married to Goodwin.

Good one.